From ghoulies and ghosties, And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
I'll deliver to ya, Call me (number's on the back)
The name's Montague Dartie, 'tis short for Dartie
I am the One you want if ya wanna Party
With wild, dirty Hags and mean, old Banshees
I am good with them kelpies and hobgoblins,
And I am better with pixies and tod-lowries.
If it is a haunting that you want I am your man,
Professional to the very rotten core I am,
Nixies at discounts, Ghosts for free
Leprechauns in Six Packs, Someone get me a Headless Mummy
And If you will take that Fantasm, I will pay you.
Really!
Gallytrots and Imps
Bogies and Nicknevins
Clabbernappers and Corpse lights
Redmen and Whitewomen
You name it and I got it
But take care lest you name the Nameless One,
You might end up losing your soul.
Old relatives refusing to move, Rich ones whom you want ta knock off
Scare the bejeezus out of a Friend or trick a Girl into hugging you out of fear
(Love potions for Girls at Granger & Associates at Reasonable Rates);
All jobs done, but Payment up front
I don't want no monies, I deal in Memories
The Hob pays a lot for those and he pays in Fairy Gold
Try not to feed the Workers and please,
Please don't tell them about labour laws & Unions
Satisfaction guaranteed, and be sure to read the Fine Print
Or you never know what might lurk behind,
Hiding in plain Sight
Waiting for a chance to rip your throat out
Or just looking for a spirit's night out
