C Be Not Proud

C be not proud, though some have called thee
haughty and awefull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overload,
Die not, poore C, nor yet canst thou bore me.
From threads and sleepe, which but thy pointers bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must stackoverflow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Inheritance, strings, and desperate men,
And dost with pointers, arrayes, and endian-nesse dwell,
And Java, or SQL can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And C shall be no more; C, thou shalt die.

For The Much Original And Very Worthy
http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Death_be_not_proud

A Yarn That Rhymes : End

The End?

Alan McDonald returned that night, in a huff, to find his house in disarray and police on the premises. He moved into Billy's house with him. The blood in his nails was chicken.

Billy underwent psychotherapy and now works at the farm. He earns much more and can buy many green shirts.

The police found Miss Maple's remains. Forensic evidence pointed fingers at Andy Foster.

The Chief of Police had heard Foster bragging about the women in his life. They found a lot of evidence at Foster's house on the Hill. He also heard the bit about Foster saying Hello.
So he waited outside and shot him.

The Master bought a new pair of sheep. He has still not been seen in public.

The Good Doctor bled a lot but managed to escape by sticking his scalpel into Dumpty's thigh. He is still at large.

The Citizens are quite well. Each one of them had a theory and each one knew how rotten Foster really was.

Jack Horner is now well and not unhappy. He has stomach ulcers due to the drug. He now works at the Midtown Cafe. He is quite traumatized. Not due to the incidents.
But due to the poem he found in his coat pocket.

" Jack And Jill Went Up The Hill
  Jack fell down
  And Jill was killed
  By the Good Doctor "

A Yarn That Rhymes - 4

Chapter 4

Two Days after Billy's arrest Miss Maple went missing. She was last known to be delirious and fevered. She kept repeating 'He is guilty'. The cops at the Royal Hospital thought she meant Billy. They were so wrong.

...

People who knew Mr. Horner described him as either 'disturbed' or 'disturbing'. At that very moment, snooping around the McDonald farm, he was both.

He was hoping to find a way into Alan's basement. That was before he found a scented pink handkerchief with an embroidered MM on it. Miss Maple had come here. Possibly to talk. There were signs of struggle - heel marks in the soil, a very large stamp of Alan's workman shoes.

Now it was a necessity to investigate.

Jack found the back door unlocked and unbarred. To some this would have been a sign of danger. But for Jack Horner, it was an invitation. He entered carefully, treading softly like a cat. The room was empty. It was a post-Victorian looking room with a fireplace. The likes you find in old British movies.

There was a chestnut chair in front of the fire and sitting in it, to Jack's surprise was a large tabby cat. Jack was a cat person. Despite himself he bent over to pick it up and that was the last thing he remembered. His body froze and he dropped ike a pin.

...

Jack was trussed up like a turkey and hanging upside down in a corner. The room was definitely Alan's basement. The stench was unbearable.

A figure sat in the opposite corner.

"Is that you Alan? It's not too late, boy. I can help you. Where is Mary?"

"Little Jack Horner Sat in the corner. Do you know that rhyme Mr. Horner? I especially love it. A very apt choice at this very moment."

The voice was muffled but Jack could have known that voice anywhere.

"Andy? What are you doing? Where's Alan? Where's Mary?"

"Keep quiet Jack. Alan is not in this chapter. I sent him to Boscombe with a fake phone call. A phoney call, wouldn't you say-"

"Cut the crap Andy. What are you doing here?"

"What do you think? I killed Miss Maple. Now it is your turn. Killing her was very easy. The girl was such a peach. I made her sit in that big chair up there. Told her I would confess to the murders for which Billy is being held. She just lapped it up like a silly cat. Then I slit her throat with my scalpel. Her head's in the freezer now. I like to eat brains to be cold."

Jack's only response to this was throwing up loudly.

"Aah! That must be due to the drug I injected. Won't kill you but it will make you so sick that you will beg me to kill you. Just like Jill."

"Don't you dare say her name you scumbag-" Jack couldn't get his string of expletives out because Doc Foster managed to gag him.

"Oh, Jack you were always so gullible. And dumb. You could never see what she was going through. She was pregnant. She came to me - her best friend. I di what I had to do. What was that? Don't mumble Jack. I can't hear you. Anyways, so I took her to my home on the hill. And killed her. I told you that she left. I wanted to spare you the pain, Jack. I care about you."

Andy Foster was busy talking but Jack had tensed up. He had heard something upstairs and It did not sound like a cat.Foster continued his monologue after removing the gag, "You know, how women always come to me Jack. I am such a good friend to them. So, when I saw Miss Maple one day, I took her. I screwed with her, in all possible ways, If you know what I mean."

"You were never good with jokes Andy. So just stop. Finish this while you are on top."

"Finish this! What do you mean Jack? I just got started. Please don't spoil the fun. So, as I was saying I enlisted Mary in my little project called "Get Jack A Job'. The rest was quite easy for a guy who can cut surgically and has a freezer at home. If only Mary hadn't gone soft-"

"So, what now Andy? How do you plan to kill me? Shoot, Cut or Inject?"

"Please, Jack don't shame me. I am a professional. One woman each year. All dead, waiting for you. Come to think of it. I even wrote a poem for you. Would you like to listen?"

"Entertain yourself, Andy."

"I like the attitude Jack. If your own heart does not get tired of pumping against gravity, I might as well let you go. Just Kidding! So, it goes like-"

was all Andy could manage to say before Chief Elijah Dumpty cracked him on the skull with an Oriental vase.

...

The Chief got Jack free and left him sitting in the chair. Jack was still paralyzed due to the drug. Dumpty went in search of Miss Maple's body and head.

The moment he went, the fallen Doctor stirred. He got up with a smug grin on his face. Jack opened his mouth to scream but found it stuffed with a gag.

"So, Jack looks like you won for the time being. I will just go say Hello to Humpty up there and be off. I will see you again next year."

Jack could do nothing but stare in horror as Andy Foster crept up the stairs. There was a gunshot and it was the last thing that Andy remembered before passing out.

...

A Yarn That Rhymes - 3

[Doctor Foster went to Gloucester,

In a shower of rain]

Chapter 3

Andy Foster was the local hero. He was a doctor. A very good one, apparently. He had published some paper in one of those fancy medical journals that yu only hear about. He had been in a war. He was well-mannered, articulate and distinguished. And single. Somehow that was a very big thing in this small town that was named a city. Billy Foster was Andy's nephew. Dr. Foster was quick to appear on the scene. In fact he arrived along with the Chief.

"So, what is the verdict Jack?", asked Dr. Foster.

Jack did not reply. There was some bad blood between these two. High school can be a tough place.

"C'mon now, Jack tell me. You can't hold what happened 19 years ago against me. Let's be professional."

Jack did not reply. He just swung out wildly. There was a noise - of Jack's fist connecting with the good Doctor's jaw. A couple of cops standing near him caught the Doctor. The Chief ,himself, restrained Jack using his ample girth as a barrier.

Jack and the Doctor had never been the best of buds. Foster was actually, a high school bully and Horner was the default punching bag.

"Chief, have the analysts completed their tests?"

"Yes, Jack. It is Sheep blood alright. We are taking in Billy right now. He is of course denying it."

"That can't be right Eli. Billy is a good kid. He may be a bit on the wild side but he is a chip of the old block. You gotta do something, Elijah. For my sake".

This was the Doctor trying to defend his nephew.

"Andy, the evidence is clear. I can't do anything now. We will interrogate him and see if anything can be done. But it's the Master, we are talking about.."

The Chief's silence was enough for Foster to understand that where their benevolent Master was concerned there was no question where his loyalty lay.

The police finished up their work quickly. There was not much to do anyways. They cordoned off the area. The Chief chatted with Jack regarding his ideas.

Jack and Dr. Foster stayed well away from each other at the crime scene. Very soon a small crowd of oglers had gathered at the farm yard. Wide-eyed kids, housewives with flour in their hair and curious men, each with their theory towards the motive of the crime.

Amidst all this confusion, there was a cry from one of the onlookers. The bewildered crowd parted to reveal Miss Maple who had fainted near a rose bush, presumably after finding out about Billy. She was immediately rushed to Foster's clinic which was the closest to the place.

...

Jack decided to talk to the McDonald kid, Alan. He was one of the unknowns in this equation. There was no evidence yet to associate him with the crime. The equation for Jack was very simple. Most of the times the simplest solution always worked. Billy had abducted the sheep with the aid of Miss Maple. She might have been an active participant or could have been another victim of love.

But this solution did not satisfy the equation. There was no reason to bleed the sheep and possibly kill them. Billy was not crazy. So the motive had to be money. But he seemed quite simple and well off. The presence of the lone head was a gruesome variable. Things just did not add up.

Why would Billy kill one sheep, for sure, and drain the other sheep and have a splash in his own backyard? Unless he really liked shepherd's pie

Alan McD, as he asked Jack to call him, was a cool guy in most senses of the word. He was supposed to be quite the catch in Sink City's social circles. He had dropped out of school, was a typical jock but was not dumb. And weirdly he was cold. Or at least his skin was.

That was the first thing Jack realized when he shook hands with him.

"I suppose you are here to talk about the little incident next door. Let me just say that Billy simply ain't the type of guy to do such a monstrous thing. He is a good kid, an able worker and a nice friend to have. But I don't know much about Mary. I was out at the cafe house on the day the sheep were reported stolen. Today I heard you come in and that's all. I was working down in the basement. Now that harvesting and all is done I have to get down to the storage stuff. The houses are not much apart but sound don't really carry all the way. That is all that I can remember"

"Well, that is an awful lot, Alan. Thank You. If only all people here would be as helpful as you - " Jack left the words hang. Because he saw something that interested him. Alan's fingernails were not clean. That is understandable seeing where he worked.

But if Jack was right that was blood in his nails.

"So, do you work with meat?"

"No. Not much. Just thee grainy stuff."

"Oh. OK alright. Well I will be off then. Seems like a simple case to me. Billy just went cuckoo. Mind if I look around later?"

"No. Always glad to help. See you later. Lots of work to do."