Shorts #2

Convoluted

How I Met Your Father. Ted Weds Barney.

Skynet Is Powered By Google Search.

Epitaph: He Loved The Net. 410.

Alfred Leaves Wayne Manor. Alleges Sexual Harassment.

Pi To e: It Sucks To be Square.

E-Shakespeare: To 7 Or Not To 7

God To Earthlings: “Cry More, Suckers!”

Old McDonald To Sue Ronnie For Copyright Infringement.

Last Man On Earth: How Do I Jerk Off?

Poetic

One of the greatest pieces of poetic fiction ever written
from S.T. Coleridge's
The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner

And the Albatross begins to be avenged.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink ;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot : O Christ !
That ever this should be !
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

About, about, in reel and rout
The death-fires danced at night ;
The water, like a witch's oils,
Burnt green, and blue and white.

And a not so poetic one

"C#":

Just like C plus plus
With garbage collection and
Some more dot net stuff

Shorts #1

self-explanatory

New genes demand expression -- third eye.

WORLD ends tomorrow. See you on Monday.

Epitaph: He loved his pet tiger more than himself.

Superman revolts: Won't wear undies outside.

Big Bang at eleven.See you there.

Bush told the truth. Hell froze.

Nevertheless, he tried a third time.

Aliens To Earthlings: “Cry no more, noobs!”

Thought I was right. I wasn't.

Lost, then found. Too bad.

Guest Post

Our guest of the day is the esteemed Dr. Camelot Sweetbread. Recognized in academic circles as an accomplished gambler, gastronome and scientist extraordinaire. He is currently visiting us for something called 'diplomatic immunity' and to deliver a lecture at The Straight Thinker's Coffee Meet in the city on "The House Fly's Migratory Patterns". So, get ready for a post on awesome randomness and please forgive the ramblings.


Firstly, for the newcomers I, Dr. Camelot, PhD, D.So and Fellow of the Order of the Peahen welcome you. Any boys reading this should try not to be baffled by the obtuse definitions and magnificent oration of My Highness. Girls should not try to read this. In my country of Rumcokeistania, we do not allow them female to read. You people should think about that.

Let us begin with a little Englis, yes. To those of you who say it is not Englis, I say ''In your mouths and noses" ! To even write that incorrect spelling is a crime.
But I am here to teach and so here goes it..

Some things you have to know -

Antarctica :
It is a place covered with white cloth in the south. It was found by the penguins through the guidance of a dancing Elijah Wood. I may be wrong but I think there is a McDonald's there. Some Nice seal burgers they got there.

Africa :
It is the place with the no light bulbs. There is no place like it they say. It was found by the Toto in 1982. People with diamonds live there. Also Leonardo di Caprio lived there. Haven't seen him for a long time. Never went there either.

Ozone :
The place in the Englis Alphabet between 'N' and 'P'.
And yes it has a hole in between it. Apparently that hole leads to Australia

Australia :
It is the place where ''I-Don't-Know'' lives. It is a land of very weird people.
Also Hugh Jackman exists there.
In Australia they say happy as this "(-:" .

That is all for today. I am afraid you cannot handle this much awesomeness.

Till next time then dC:) "The Giant Forehead With Hat"

PS. : I Don't Love You. Not One Bit.
Instead watch "The Revenge Of El Burro". Awesome movie.


YOU GOT SPAM

Entry from the diary of one J.T. Ryan dated 4th of June, 2006.

I blinked hard. Real hard as I stared at the glowing red number.
666. I had spam.
Now that is no cause for concern for most web users. But ME. My name is J.T. Ryan.
Caution is my middle name. The only way I could get spam was if I was sending it. Let me elaborate. You see, I am a very paranoid person. I do not ''roam'' the web as most people do.
The only site that can count me as a frequent visitor is my mail client. I just don't need the WWW.
I go out, read, sing and waste my time working for an insurance company. That is why I am bugged.
I hardly get 50 mails a month. But the spam - at least 500 since the last Friday.
Still the number was not what worried me. It was the sender or senders. And of course, the content.
Streams of numbers. Random digits interspersed with a couple of alphabets. The pattern was always the same.
3 lines. 16 characters per line.
My first thought was that it was a code. So, I passed a couple of them on to a mathematician friend. He confirmed what I thought. It was a message, alright. He said he would decode it in about a week.
I let go of the worry and went out for the weekend with my girlfriend, Stacy. She was a sweet girl, a bit crazy and weird but still I liked her. She was a pre-school teacher and also an amateur sushi chef. Blue eyes and a cherubic smile. She was my dream girl.

J.T. never came back. He was found murdered in a hotel - 'Blue Oyster'. It was on the highway. A knife through the heart. Lots of blood. Investigators could not find any clues at the hotel. They placed the death at 6 in the morning of 6th of June. They searched his belongings and also his house. They found an incoherent and blood spattered Stacy at his house. With the knife. And saying "J.T." repeatedly. They also found a single unread message in his in-box.

From mathwiz@gmail.com,
Dude, I don't know what to tell you. The message says - "Stay away from blue oysters and sushi chefs on 666". And that is not even the strangest thing. I swear I am not lying but It Is Signed J.T. Ryan.

As He Said Before The Only Way He Would Get Spam Was If He Was Sending It.